Q&A#1. How can you do it all? (Balancing Life)

My Own Utopian Experiment #8: Answering the toughest question when I believe it is important

I have some common questions so far from what’s on my bookshelf, my reading list past a year, what motivated me to do the blogging, what I do for a living and many others. Nothing got me more surprised than this one. How can you do it all? I started my blog in Nov, 2023. This is the toughest post to write so far. I was not sure where to begin and I re-considered if I should put my thoughts on this out there. There’s no fit-all answer on this. Our lives are simply different. I am certainly not implying that I can do it all or I have it all. I am writing all my posts from my perspectives and want to share. I am not writing it as someone who all figured it out at all. I really think I am no different. I am someone who represents a working parent with no family locally and trying to manage it with the given conditions. Even with my hesitation, I wanted to put my answers out this week. It is important to remind myself that I started the blogging with a clear intention to be honest and helpful to myself and my friends here. It is somewhat urgent and important even though this can be a controversial one. I really do believe there’s no such a thing as having it all or special strength that you can do it all. I think people ask this question knowing I have a full-time job, small child to take care of, read books, pursue hobbies here and there when I can and upload blog post once a week.

The answer is brutally honest. I am not sure if I have the answer you want to hear. I have not figured all out but in progress all the time. It is not healthy to look others having it all. It is a matter of perception. Whether you want to admit or not, you are comparing yourself to others. We are all different. We have our own histories and desires. Others also have hardships as much as you do. When you assume they have it all, you may have less empathy for them. We can become insensitive without knowing toward people who seem to handle things well. How do we know what’s in their lives? We don’t. I hear so many people say about do-this and do-that to have it all. I do not feel anyone needs to hear that. If you have managed being a working parent close to a decade like me or a few years, you already know. What worked for me may not work for you and vice versa.

Knowing it all does not always equal to being easy but it gets better. I will admit wholeheartedly that it is ongoing adjustments, prioritizing and keep trying the whole circle all over again to find the system that works for you at that moment. I just have figured out what works for me over the years. I put a lot of efforts and did my share of soul searching. Things got easier and more enjoyable when the times goes. I feel like I “get to work” now. I still have struggles time to time. Work itself is not hard but balancing work with other responsibilities is hard.

Life is funny, surprising and interesting. Things happen and go all the time without your control. Our personal responsibilities and priorities are shifting as well when you age and your child getting older too. You need constant adjustments to build life you want in a sustainable way. If you are aware of this constant change, it is a good thing. You are wise to notice the shift. I hope you are not too stressed about it but attempt to welcome it with open arms. It is not easy to do something that is not familiar to get what you need and want but the shift means your life is expanding, growing and maturing. Dancing with the shifting life’s demands also gets easier with practices. You know you went over the last hurtle and you know you can get over this one too if you really want the change and its positive impacts.

The catch is that it takes your energy and trials back and forth until you find YOUR ways. Slowly and sometimes very slowly (you don’t even notice any changes), you learn what works for you and your loved ones. You “get to work” while raising a family and pursue other things. The hardest part is the trial-and-error part. It is asking lots of patience and trust in the process. That’s soul- searching part to evaluate what you really want and what’s most important to you. I know it sucks but rewarding at the end. One bit every time, you are getting closer to your destination. You may not notice the growth every time but there’s no losing in this game.

Remember, we are the ones who want to lean in (I am not referring to a career only. Whatever you are striving for including homemaking, hobbies, volunteering, etc.). We are the ones who are in the arena! We are the ones who show up every day. We are the ones who take the chances and really try. We are the ones who fell on face and get up again. Most importantly, we love ourselves not based on certain abilities but truly love who want to walk the journey. Last, it is important to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself with patience and lots of love. It is hard for many. You are not alone. I am cheering for all of us including me. Take care and sending my love as always.