My Own Utopian Experiment #29: Enjoying surprises from a random book with my own reflection
I just finished reading a book I bought out of impulse. There are many reasons that I read books. It is relaxing, informational, fulfilling my intellectual desires, reflection, entertainments, interests and others. For this one, I was simply curious what’s in the book. It is ‘I Feel Bad About My Neck’ by Nora Ephron. I do not feel bad about my neck but very curious about a woman who got older before me. I am not someone who worry or upset about aging but I wanted some second experience. I was curious what was happening to her in her 60s. That seems like far away but time goes fast.
It had many surprises since I did not know what the book is about at all. I barely knew the author. It was very surprising that I was quite bothered by the first a few chapters about woman’s maintenance she was referring to like skin care, hairs, manicures, pedicures and handbags. I do some of that too but the level of efforts seemed meaningless. I was considering whether I should continue to read or not. It is surprising since this kind of moment rarely happens with books. I thought about why this is bothering me this much. In really honest way, the culture of “being a woman” sucks. The expectations that other people put on women do not make sense. It starts from how to look good, what looks good, what weight and body features are ideal, what age is old, younger age is better, dying gray hairs is mandatory if you care about how you look, what brand name handbags are in trend, etc. It never ends. The list goes on and on. It seems like forever meaningless nagging noises that we all should block. We make our own culture!
After this uncomfortable feeling, I decided to respect her choice and the contents of the first a few chapters. I thought I would never know I might feel more maintenance is needed when I reach her age. I wanted to be more open-minded. I was proud of myself to remember to have open-mind which is important to me personally. After a few chapters, the stories became interesting. She talked about her works as a writer, journalist and then movie script writer. She loved writing stories. She fell in love to live in New York and talked great deal about the city and her apartment. Her way of telling stories has humors. You can only joke about your own bad moments. She said “Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from.” She had three marriages and two kids. It was nice to see that she moved on after so many heartbreaks. 60s does not look bad putting tough things behind and even joke about it. This was one of the things that she wished she knew. “When your children are teenagers, it is important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” I am not quite there yet but accepted the warning. I love dogs. I was thinking it is a nice excuse to get a dog. Not a bad advice.
Her writing was funny and upbeat. The last chapters were surprising. In still funny and upbeat tone, she talked about her own mortality through losing friends in her 60s. I did not expect it in this book. It is so true that we think we are aware of our mortality but do not act that way. If today and tomorrow are your last moments, you may want to do things differently now. We think we know but do not truly believe in our own mortality. We tend to think we have more time day after day. She was living a good life and still worked in her 60s. She is a foodie. She cooks and ventures out to get something she enjoys. Very alive but her mortality is also reality to her but she learned to live with the reality. Knowing she keeps on living with joys, it did not seem too cruel all of sudden. I read the chapter holding my breath to witness the time that is ahead of me, sort of mystery of life. I started reading the book without knowing her exact age. She revealed her age at the end. She said she would be 65 by the time the books are out for people to read. While I was reading the book, I always thought she was younger than that. I caught my own bias that joyful and upbeat tones are from “younger” folks. It is another reminder that we never age at heart but just the skin. I re-evaluate myself a lot with books.
After finishing the book, I was thinking she really had a good life so far. Great career as a writer which is very competitive field. Lived in New York where she loved. A mother of two sons. Two divorces but found another love, 3rd hubby. Close friends. I was proud of her. I was more than happy it turned out great at the end. I was curious how she is doing now. She even briefly talked about her 70s. I looked her up on the website. I imagined she had retired traveling Europe and still writes for hobbies and fun. I found out she passed away at 71 with Pneumonia. I felt a bit betrayed. Pneumonia? It can be life threatening but the risk is 5-10% so fairly treatable. I did not expect this kind of ending at all. I was shocked for moments as if she was one of my friends. I was sad as if we really got to know each other. Then I was happy for her for the life she had. I still wish she did not spend that much time and energy into maintaining her looks, all the skin products, dying her hairs so often, nails, worry about her bags, etc. I do not really know and will never know how much satisfactions she got from all those efforts to cut a few years off from her aging look. My impulsively bought book gave me so much twists and reflection. At the end, it gave me the second-hand experience I wanted. So much feelings and thoughts flow.
Enjoy today and sending my love as always.