Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

by Emily Nagoski PhD and Amelia Nagoski DMA

My Own Utopian Experiment #15: Taking care of your stress, completing the stress cycle

https://amzn.to/3R7aiir

A book review for May!

This book offers so much more than burnout but completing stress cycles, solutions on rest, external pressures, connections, real strength, purpose, self-compassion, gratitude, etc. I can’t possibly write everything here but wish to share what author thinks about taking care of stress, completing stress cycle. I find this helps literally anyone.

There are many self-help books on burnout, exhaustions and stress. This is the best book I have read on this topic. I had a very satisfying experience. What I do daily to make me “feel better” works for me but never put a lot of thinking on why. The two ladies had words for it. All the puzzle pieces come together. Validation! It would provide knowledge and validations you need throughout reading. It was very comforting for me. I also learned something new and got inspired for more ideas to make my day fun, joyful and completing the stress cycle. The goal is not a day with zero stress. Stress is not avoidable. It is part of our life. The goal is to live well with it. This is my thought on managing stress.

 “Emotions are tunnels. If you go all the way through them, you get to the light at the end.” This is one of my favorite quotes from the book. Being trapped in the tunnels are what causes exhaustion and burnout. You are constantly exposed to those trapped emotions daily. It becomes chronic stress. To make it even worse, the impact accumulates. The snowball effect makes us sick, sad, trapped, exhausted and miserable. The authors warn it can kill you. I am not sure if I can relate to that much level myself. The worst being this way for me is to lose previous time to enjoy life. We all have limited time on this planet. We can get out of this vicious cycle via completing the stress cycles. This description is also satisfying for me. You have the closure to the “bad” thing you went through.

In the book, there are two separate stages of completing the stress cycle. First, you deal with the stress itself so you feel strong enough to deal with the stressors. During this phase, dealing with stressors directly does not mean you completed the stress cycle. For example, finance is your stressor. You did your budget done and stick to the plan. That’s dealing with stressor but that is not always the same as taking care of your daily stress. Second, you deal with your stressors with strategies step by step and little by little while you are taking care of the daily stress via completing the stress cycle. In my own term, it is about connecting with reality but elevate some pressure off from your shoulder by doing things you like or feel better afterwards.  That’s real self-care for me.

The book offers different ways to complete stress cycles: physical activity, breathing exercise, positive social interactions, laughter, affection, meaning, creative hobbies, self-compassion, rest, sleep, gratitude, etc. What’s good for your body is also good for your mind! That’s my simple rule. Before we try to make big changes, I think it is good to stick to the basic needs. Eat good food and sleep enough so your body has energy to fight with stress and recover.

What most resonate with me is that using different parts of brains and activities that you do not need brain powers. If you do not have a routine or ways to complete your stress cycle. Please brainstorm by thinking about opposites of what you do daily most of the time. I sit and work on computer in my office majority of the day. What I like to do at the end of the day or weekend to bring myself back into who I am and feel good, completing stress cycle. Here’s my example.

The key words for my work time are inside, computer, alone, sit & critical thinking.

This is how I complete the stress cycle doing exactly the opposites. Please make your own routines to unwind and complete your stress cycle daily.

• Being outside:

Go outside to watch kids playing, go to playground, talk a short walk

• Not alone:

Chat with neighbors and kids, connect with my family at the end of the day

• No computer:

When the weather is not permitting for outdoor, we play board or card games with nice conversations.

My family likes reading and music so we read and listen music in the living room together.

My son likes to dance and eat fruits with music in the background.

• Hobbies that do not require a lot of brain power:

Cross stitches, paper crafts, listening instrumental music which has no lyrics and piano is my favorite one, journal, writing, simple paintings, etc.

• Connection:

This has to be positive connection, not any connection. Meet my friends for coffee, chats, lunches and even talk on the phone & occasionally playdates

• Creativity:

I occasionally pursue new hobbies. Here are the recent ones.

Pottery

Handmade soaps (oatmeal vanilla)

Iron-on patches for my fabric journal cover

Stone painting for my wish rock

Completing stress cycle is not too far from cultivating joys in your daily life which I am very passionate about. We are here to enjoy and be ourselves. Wherever you are today, have fun, take care of yourself and choose joy. I hope this helps to build the routines that works for you to cultivate more joy and taking care of your stress daily. Sending my love.

(Book reviews may and may not be sponsored. I only review books I read, enjoyed and relevant to my posts.)